Recovery

“I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)”

— Eminem, “Not Afraid”

Recovery for any kind of addiction is not easy by any means. Addictions come in all shapes and forms. While some in the psychology/scientific communications may say that pornography/sex addictions aren’t valid and shouldn’t be treated like addictions, that sort of attitude is where science fails addicts. Where addicts are also failed is when people say that addictions aren’t real and that addicts are merely people looking for pity and an excuse for a lack of self control. Wrong. Addictions aren’t as simple as a lack of self control.

People with addictive personalities have a higher predisposition to becoming addicted to something, but also with many failures associated with recovery. There’s a saying “Once an addict, always an addict,” but I think a better term for this period is recovery. Recovery is a return to a normal state of health, mind or strength, and also, the action or process of regaining something that is lost or stolen. During this recovery period addicts return to a healthy state of mind, and recover their sanity, relationships and sense of self. Recovery removes a lot of the stigma associated with addicts and allows addicts to feel empowered.

When it comes to sex and pornography, it is important for an addict to recover to a normal state of mind. More often than not, this involves the addict avoiding stimuli that will cause them to relapse. It’s like waving a pack of cigarettes in front of a former smoker. Hearing the cigarettes move around inside while the pack is packed. Smelling the fresh smell of a new lit cigarette. There are different stimuli involved with pornography and sex. For some it is easy to avoid these stimuli, but for most it is hard. We can see sex on television, in music videos and in movies. We can hear sex on all those mediums as well. We can touch said stimuli through self exploration and through sex with our partners. With addicts it is not as simple as just avoiding said stimuli. It’s also about changing the way one thinks.

My partner will be one month clean of pornography on November 3rd and we are 1/3 the way through his initial recovery period. I gave him Reigning Champions: Battling Lust Addiction to read and one of the first steps in that book is to change the way you think. To stop looking at other people like they’re objects for your amusement. 

Recovery is also having an ample support system. A partner, a forum like NoFap, and even a good book can be a great way to support yourself with a task that can be difficult to achieve. The second half of this post will be Addiction and will debunk some studies that supposedly disprove porn addiction.

Negativity

Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days. But this blog post is going to be short and sweet. I got a rude comment on my blog yesterday and just wanted to be clear: If you don’t like what this blog is about, then don’t read the posts/comment. This blog is designed for supporters of the anti-pornography movement, recovering sex/porn addicts, the significant others of recovering sex/porn addicts, and people who want to learn more about sex positivity and what it means to be against pornography. Unfortunately, I won’t post comments that are disrespectful to me or to those in recovery/their significant others. It doesn’t help those in recovery to deal with such negativity or disrespect.

Thank you

— S

Nudity in art work vs nudity in pornography

Yesterday as you may have known was my partner’s three week date of not using pornography. We’ve kept the lines of communication open and yesterday he told me in his art class that he was shown a painting of a naked woman, and that he’s been shown these multiple times in different classes. He asked me:

 “Is this porn? I normally would’ve gotten urges to look up pictures online but not this time. I didn’t have any sort of sexual reaction to something like this for the first time. I was able to appreciate art without having sexual feelings involved.”

Nudity in artwork has been around for centuries. In my opinion nudity in artwork is different that pornography because of the intentions of the artist, the consumer and the themes of the artwork. It just is astonishing that beautiful artwork is being replaced with pornography and that there is even a question on whether a painting such as the one above is porn.

First, the artist’s intention is not to provoke sexual arousal. Since the dawn of time human beings have sought out beauty. With art, the artist isn’t seeking to through some breasts out there for men to masturbate to and would be insulted to know that was what some men did.

Next, the consumers of this art are not intentionally seeking out nudity for sexual gratification. If men were going to art galleries to seek out material to masturbate to it would defeat the purpose of the art.

Finally the themes of the artwork aren’t usually sexual in nature. It’s usually about appreciating beauty. I think that people are just hyper exposed to sex so they just assume every time there’s breasts in art it’s sexual in nature. Just like for those who say public breast feeding is sexual. I think that it’s a horrible thing that the human body is twisted into something overly sexual and the beauty is removed. 

I think there is something wrong with society if we can’t see nudity in society without twisting it into something sexual. This is why porn is harmful. Men aren’t lining up at art galleries to see nudity, but they are lining up for porn. It twists perceptions of the human body and is done for sexual reasons. Art isn’t sexual, porn is.

Getting met with Opposition.

Sorry everybody for not posting in a few days, but I’ve been busy with school and yesterday was my one and a half year anniversary with my boyfriend. Last week I ordered a t-shirt from Fight the New Drug (link to the shirt I ordered was given), and it came in the other day. I was very excited to wear the shirt in pride due to the support I was given from by boyfriend and his little brother, and when I wore it my parents immediately picked on me for wearing it. My mom laughed and shrugged, and my dad said “Don’t you think you’re just rubbing it in his face that you don’t like it?” I told them how I changed my boyfriend and his seventeen-year-old brother’s minds on porn, and my mom basically told me that no man would come to that conclusion on their own. I showed my boyfriend the shirt and told him what happened and he said what they said is not true at all.

My boyfriend read a copy of “Reigning Champions: Overcoming Lust Addiction”, and his brother admitted he had a problem with porn too. I felt happy with helping them but felt discouraged by my parents’ words. My mother told me not to be a “zealot” and basically said I should’ve just ignored my boyfriend’s porn use even though to me, as a Christian, it felt very close to cheating. My parents’ words reminded me how people are close minded to this issue. On an app I use, a surprising amount of women said they felt nothing was wrong with porn and that if you are a “sex-positive” person that you embrace porn or at least feel it’s not cheating.

As I wrote in one of my last blog posts, being sex positive does not mean you necessarily have to embrace pornography. When statistics are thrown in your face that porn is harmful in the long run, may make you feel less attracted to your partner, may make you want to cheat on your partner or even impact your ability to have sex with your partner, it is alarming that more people aren’t on board. Being sex positive means you embrace your sexuality with your physical partner (or partners if your polygamous/polyamorous). It means respecting your partner(s) and not hurting them. A common attitude I see from people my age is “If someone doesn’t like that I do something, here’s the door…” Relationships are all about coming together and loving one another. Why should someone have to keep quiet and hurt over something when they’re otherwise happy? Why should people put up with the impossible standards the porn and fashion industries are setting for people?

In a study done in the 1990s in Fiji, naturally big, beautiful women were introduced to the television series 90210 and Melrose Place. Once the Fiji women saw these stars, eating disorders became prevalent in that society. Just like photoshop and plastic surgery, porn stars set impossible body, beauty and sex standards for men and women. Men are shown that people don’t want to see them have sex, that it’s all about the women. Men are also shown that men whose penises are injected with viagra like drugs and are extended with surgery are the ideal men. Women are shown that they are toys for men to watch, and that it’s okay for men to hit them and call them sluts and whores. It sets impossible standards for everybody involved. It makes men resent women and women resent women. Porn teaches us “The only one who matters is me.” Sex isn’t like that at all. Sex is about taking care of another person and ourselves, caring about their needs and respecting them. Unless it’s a one night stand, chances are your partner isn’t going to be down with you disrespecting them without asking them.

Younger and younger girls are getting breast implants, labiaplasties, are anorexic and bulimic, and just want boys to love them like they love the girls in magazines. It’s very sad and I’m very concerned for younger generations. Porn teaches people that their sexual needs are the only important ones and that if you have to use other people to get what you want its okay.

One Man Can Change the World.

Yesterday marked two weeks of my partner not having watched porn, but also two weeks of me not looking through his phone. It hasn’t been an easy two weeks at all. It’s been tense, stressful, painful and amazingly brutal all in one. But it’s also been gracious, a learning experience and loving, as well. 

I got my partner a book “Reigning Champions: How to Overcome Lust Addiction,” and I’ll say that anyone who struggles/knows someone who struggles with this addiction to read this book. 59 pages of material but full of knowledge. 

Even though this has strained my relationship, the aftermath and knowledge gained from this experience has been incredible and has actually made me closer to my partner. Some experiences we learned I will pass onto you. 

  1. First, don’t lie to your partner. Ever. Even if you think you’re doing it to just spare their feelings, don’t. The pain of knowing in a moment you weren’t worth the truth is painful.
  2. Second, this isn’t an issue you can overcome yourself. Without being accountable to someone, you’ll fail. While it is highly recommended you find a man in your life who has overcome this problem, for a lot of men this is hard so a partner can be helpful. When you feel you’ll slip up having someone to talk to can prevent that. And just telling someone if you do slip up can minimize that relapse from worsening and repeating. 
  3. Third, find ways to direct your boredom/stress. Porn is something that many fall back on when times are hard, they’re bored, or just their curiosity takes over. But at the end of the day there’s many healthier things you can do with your time.
  4. Lastly, respect your partner. They love you for who you are, warts and all, and you should do the same. They love you despite the hold lust has over you, so you should love them and work with them to conquer this. When you think of porn and want to watch it, or just want to skim through some pictures, your partner should pop in your head. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want them to see or hear, even if they wouldn’t find out.

I’m proud of my partner and I’s progress, but it takes time. There’s ten more weeks until the real battle begins (three months has been the max he’s gone without porn of any kind), but it takes prayer, Jesus Christ’s love and the love between two people to overcome any issues that come up. Take everyday at a time, and understand that it takes a lot of work on both partners’ parts to deal with an habit or addiction. The addict partner has to admit they have a problem and be willing to accept help, and the support partner has to support, love and accept their addicted partner through the reboot stage. 

Everyday is a battle. Lust is everywhere. We all get tempted everyday when the news mentions the latest celebrity sex tapes and nude pictures, or when movies come out with explicit sexual material in them. But it’s all about stepping back and saying, “I’m going to read a nice book today.” Finding a healthy hobby and overcoming internal issues is key to beating lust. A lot of people with lust issues are insecure and try to compensate for something they’re lacking/have too much of. 

Love ❤️ makes the world go ’round. Love is when two people come together to make their worlds better. With love we can conquer everything. But some people try to keep things from someone to prevent themselves from hurting that person, but in the end we always find stuff out sooner or later. Guys and girls, do yourselves a favor: don’t lie. Admit your warts and admit when you need help. If someone loves you they’ll help you with everything. 

Why “Boys Will Be Boys” is wrong.

Growing up, I’ve heard the expression “boys will be boys” many times. It’s usually when a boy does something immature, perverted, or downright mean. Take a man who constantly disrespects his wife by going to strip clubs. “Oh don’t worry it’s just boys being boys, he can’t help it.” But where does this helplessness start and end? Why is it okay for someone to get a pass because of their gender? If a girl watches Magic Mike and it pisses off her husband she can’t say “Girls will be girls, I can’t help looking at Channing Tatum!” It’s such a double standard in society. It takes away the responsibility we all have to be decent human beings.

It teaches boys that they can be as rambunctious, perverted, aggressive and mean all they want, while girls have to be dainty, like little dandelions. From a young age young girls are conditioned to watch Disney movies like Cinderella, Mulan, Snow White, etc. These movies teach girls that one day a handsome prince will rescue them from anything, so long as they’re beautiful helpless princesses. None of these princesses really have skills other than being beautiful and clumsy and getting caught in a trap. Little girls grow up thinking that when they get in trouble a handsome prince will save them.

Not like there’s much of a difference between porn for men and female porn like Magic Mike and 50 Shades of Grey, but it just shows for women we want that prince! We want that guy who will say “You’re beautiful and stunning, and I don’t want anybody else but you.” But that’s becoming harder and harder to find because of the growing rise in porn watching. Not all men watch porn and some are trying to quit. But porn on both ends just conditions people to have certain expectations that aren’t always realistic. Sometimes you have to grow up and leave your childhood behind. When I started dating my boyfriend I left my Magic Mike, 50 Shades of Grey, and fan fiction behind. Why? Because those are all training wheels.

When you find someone who you really love and who makes you feel like a princess, you shouldn’t need to watch sexual movies to get your fix. Just like men shouldn’t need porn once they’re in a relationship. But a lot of people say that there’s a difference between fantasy and real life. Is there, though? I don’t get how anyone with a conscious can knowingly and deceivingly watch other naked women parade around and have sex with strangers, as well as watch men who are the whole package strip before you without feeling guilty at all. 

That’s why I’ve never understood the arguement people make: it has nothing to do with you. Typically people watch porn for one and/or two reasons: they like watching/reading sexual material, or there’s something missing in the relationship. I feel like people feel entitled so much now a days. People want their cake and want to eat it, too. How is it fair to your girlfriend that you would watch various naked women, with surgically altered bodies having sex in all kinds of ways, and tell her it’s nothing to do with her. She’s your girlfriend, of course it has something to do with her. Instead of watching porn, incorporate her into your fantasies so strangers having sex doesn’t do much for you anymore! Ladies same thing! Incorporate your man into your fantasies!

God says pornography is cheating because if you lust after a woman/man with your eyes, you’re already committing adultery. But adultery is having sex right? Nope! It’s a whole bunch of stuff. It’s anything you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing in front of your partner. Kissing, oral sex, anal sex, sexual intercourse, sexting, chatting intimately with another person, doing something intimate normally saved for your partner. Emotional affairs are just as bad, if not worse than physical affairs. For men, physical affairs tend to be worse, for women it’s emotional. 

Porn is wrong, in any kind of form. Many people look because there’s stuff they like to see they wouldn’t necessarily want to do. But wouldn’t it make your partner uncomfortable if you watched murders all the time, or at least had a dangerous reaction to watching them. Is everybody who likes a horror or crime flick a murderer? No. But too much prolonged exposure to violence and sex cannot be good for anybody. Understand that your ChanningTatum’s  and Jenna Jameson’s aren’t real, they’re actors and paid to fulfill a role. It’s wrong for anyone to place unsaid expectations on a partner. When you watch male or female porn, you’re silently telling your partner they should look like that, act like that, etc. At the end of the day, it’s wrong to do so.

Sex Positvity

How can one be sex positive and hate pornography?

I’ve seen this all over lots of blogs. People say that if you hate porn you hate sex in it’s entirety. Not true. Being a sex positive person means that you love sex, know your own sexuality and have no problems expressing yourself through sex. Pornography is artificial sex, with digital prostitutes. I read Cosmopolitan to learn new sex positions and learn different ways to please my partner, I do not require or want pornography in my own relationship. In this British sexology/sex education class, the sexologist studied the attitudes teenagers had about sex. The results are quite alarming:

Boys think it’s wrong for girls to have pubic hair, and would dump a girl for having it.

Boys think if they are having sex with a girl they can automatically orgasm on her face without asking her.

Part of sex positivity is appreciating the differences we have from one another, and it’s also about respect. With my own partner and I, we never pressure one another to shave, and always ask prior to sex what we want to do and always communicate if there’s something special we want to do. The effects of pornography are very harmful to today’s youth. Oral and anal sex are stuff that is assumed to be okay without discussing it with one’s partner. Rough sex, spitting, calling names are also assumed to just be okay. It’s hard enough that lots of commercials today are basically soft core porn. Modern day music and television are conceited. Many young adults today are now conceited.

I’ve seen men before just grope a woman’s bum or breasts, and call women they barely/don’t know bitches. I believe that the media today is trying so hard to sell sex that they just force it upon everyone in a very rough way. I disagree with this method in it’s entirety.

I will say it right here: I love sex. I love having sex with my partner. Does that mean that every time I turn on the television I want to hear about the latest celebrity sex tape or nude pictures? Or that 4/5 commercials I see are soft core porn? Not at all. Many men and women already struggle enough with sex/porn habits and addictions. It’s hard enough not to be browsing online and there’s ads of random foreign women wanting to meet you and show you their goodies. Sexual ads are everywhere, even on billboards driving by!

Many people claim there’s no such thing as a sex/porn addiction. But why would people come forward, like Russell Brand? It all stems from the previous generation, the “Love Generation”. Many of our parents/grandparents were part of this generation. Free Love was a common slogan in this time, because the previous generation was very uptight and strict. And this Free Love generation is running our government now! Why would they want to open that can of worms and admit that there’s porn and sex addictions? More men in their late teens, early twenties are struggling to have sex because of porn induced ED. People try to say that men love sex and always want it, and to just let your man consume pornography and masturbate to other people. Society tries to convince people that sex is normal, get used to seeing it everywhere, etc.

Like Russell says in the video above, our views on sex have become warped and perverted. We turn people into things for our own sexual and personal gratification. That translates into our music, television and movies of today. A common male attitude I’ve heard from men close to me is that “Women shouldn’t dress a certain way if they don’t want things to happen to them.” I’ve seen that from my own experiences. I like to dress up to feel good about myself. I’ve had men stare at me in public and even admit that they’ve masturbated to my pictures. Why is it normal for people to turn women into objects? When you tell a woman for so long that she’s an object, eventually she’ll stop caring and become an object. 

This issue plagues men as well. Men are being paraded for having large penises in porn, and the view is mostly on the women. That is showing viewers that the male is not as important visually as the female. The poses of women in porn movies and pictures are all male centered. Even in regular movies in sex scenes they can show the female fully nude, and can’t show the male genitalia. Why not? It shames men. It makes men feel the only beautiful sight is a nude woman. Not true at all. Men and women are both beautiful creatures sculpted from God.

Sex positivity is a good thing. It’s amazing to truly love your partner, their body, and the intimacy attached to sex. But porn is a bad thing. It is not something that most people can view once and forget about. As a Psychology student, we learn that with drugs like Cocaine, that Dopamine is released by the brain. It is what we learned is called an “agonist”. Things like porn and cocaine mimic our brain’s neurotransmitters, and cause inhibitory effects on the brain. Long term, this is known as addiction. You don’t have to do cocaine or watch porn every day to be an addict. Much like a smoker who hasn’t smoked cigarettes gets that nagging feeling in their head. C’mon it’s just porn. You haven’t looked at it in a few weeks. C’mon, the new pictures of Kim Kardashian came out. It’s just looking at sex it’s not hurting anyone. But in reality, it is hurting someone. It’s hurting you and your partner. 

Ask any porn/sex addict, and they will tell you the harmful affects to themselves and their partner. As previously stated in other posts, if your partner is okay with porn and you are, great. But it’s wrong if you/your partner feels it’s wrong. Porn changes attitudes towards our fellow brothers and sisters, it warps our minds on what sex is about, and it tells us that it’s okay to call women bitches, to dump them for having pubic hair (when many men refuse to shave their own pubic hair!), and that sex is about one’s own gratification and nobody else’s.

Porn Kills Love, But Love Can Conquer Anything.

My own story.

More often than not, people are exposed to pornography at a young age. Here are some alarming statistics from Covenant Eyes (click here for more information):

93% of boys and 62% of girls have been exposed to pornography by the time they’re 18.

83% of boys and 57% of girls have seen group sex on the internet. 

32% of boys and 18% of girls have seen bestiality on the internet. 

18% of boys and 10% of girls have seen rape or other sexual violence on the internet.

15% of boys and 9% of girls have seen child pornography.

Only 3% of boys and 17% of girls have not seen pornography online.

These statistics are quite disconcerting to say the least. When I asked several men in my life how old they were and how they were exposed to pornography, many said they were exposed by age 10-12, and they were shown pornography by a friend, family member, or through media. But this article isn’t going to be about generalities and semantics, but rather my own experiences.

I believe the first time I was exposed to pornography was at age 10. I was in a Yahoo! Messenger chatroom. Being 10 I wanted to make some friends because I didn’t have many in real life. I remember an adult man asking me how old I was, and then preceding to flash me his penis. It was the first time I recall seeing a penis. At around age 12 I caught my brother watching pornography, and I couldn’t see with my father but I believe he was looking at stuff he shouldn’t have been because he screamed at me to leave the room and said not to go in the computer room when he was using it without permission. As a teenager I had looked at pornography on my own a few times. I had a reaction to it and realized how powerful sexual imagery was. I even wrote my own fan fiction for awhile, feeling powerful as my fingers typed away sexual thoughts/fantasies of mine into a storyline.

When I was in high school a boy tricked me into describing personal things about me, my body and my sexuality. A “friend” told me he’d save my pictures to masturbate to. Another “friend” would ask me for naked pictures of myself.

I did not really start hating pornography until I was around 18. One of my high school friends had had bad luck with boyfriends and she posted a Facebook status about how she would not date a man who used pornography. I was curious and talked to her, and she explained how through her faith and her experiences with men who used it that it was something she didn’t want for herself. I started researching more and found alarming statistics. I found out that many women were coerced in some way, whether it was physical force, financial reasons, wanting attention, etc. I heard about the rumored snuff films, and I realized something; what is the difference between someone on screen or someone in person?

Even with that knowledge and those convictions in mind, it was different because I hadn’t had a boyfriend. Until April 2015. I started going out with a sweet, funny, handsome and lovable man from work. The first few months I was naïve and in puppy love, thinking to myself: I’m so in love with him and am not sexually attracted to anyone else. I don’t need or want pornography so he won’t either. But I also had a naïve idea that all men would watch it regardless of feelings and that I’d scare him off, so I told him I didn’t have any problems with it. To make matters more complicated I’m demisexual. When I first found out my boyfriend used pornography, last October, it hurt. A lot. It felt like a knife had been driven into my heart.

My boyfriend informed me he had been exposed to pornography at around age 10 by a friend. So it’s been part of his life for 12 years. It had been a nearly everyday, multiple times a day problem for 11 of those 12 years. When he found out I didn’t like it, he started working hard to battle it. He’s slipped up 3 times since last October, I found. At first I thought it was an issue of his past, but through me being open, understanding and judgement free, I found it was an issue that still haunted him. He had previously stated that it was not a huge part of his life, that it’s not cheating, not a big deal, that he’ll stop, etc.

It’s been a long road. Until last week, although I had suspicions, I thought he hadn’t slipped up at all. He told me everything was going well and that I was free to check his phone. The few times I checked I didn’t find anything. But last week when I saw it right in my face it stung. It felt very close to being cheated on. It was a very thin line. I showed him this article and it made him realize it was a very thin line. It made him realize what a lot of women (and men) feel when they find their partner using pornography. When this realization of his occurred, it allowed both of our healings to begin.

I think about porn all the time. Not in the way of an addict, but the way of someone who’s been traumatized for it. Throughout all of this, I’m thankful for my boyfriend. I love him more than anything in the world. I’m thankful for his courage to stand up and acknowledge it’s a problem plaguing him and many other men. And that’s the first step to healing. It’s the first of many for a long road. I’m beginning to help my boyfriend reach a year without porn. It was his first initial efforts that showed me he was a man worthy of being my husband and the father of my children. He stopped the MO aspect of PMO, but couldn’t stop the P aspect. And together we’ll beat the P aspect. We’re going to avoid triggers together and he’s going to be accountable to me. And this time next year he’ll be a year free from porn.

Like all bad habits, pornography has to be stepped on. It’s difficult with all the sexual imagery out there, but together men and women are standing up to the porn industry. Many men are part of NoFap, Fight the New Drug, sex positivity and anti pornography, feminist groups, etc. Men and women need to band together and love one another, and show one another respect. Some people don’t care about porn use in their relationships, some even watch it together. But this blog is for all the people who hate their partner’s porn use, because it makes them feel not good enough, unattractive, sexually not appealing, and who just don’t want them or someone they love supporting an industry that runs off of damaged people.

Granted, some men and women in the porn industry feel empowered. But the porn industry gets a good majority of its actors and actresses from damaged upbringings. Much like drugs, the porn industry promises a feeling of euphoria to all who join, a sense of community, much like a social clique. But in the end, it is not normal to gain personal or sexual satisfaction when you’re likely watching a woman who was physically/sexually abused be degraded on camera for money. End of story.

I hope my own experiences can help give hope to other men and women who both struggle with this issue, or who have a partner who is. Remember Porn Kills Love, But Love Can Conquer Anything. 

Genesis 1:27

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them: male and female He created them.” 🌎

I am not the best Christian I can be, but I posted this quote today to remind us that men and women are equal. In a lot of instances in our world today women are not treated equally. Women’s bodies are used to sell everything from food to cars, and are often treated as nothing more than a capitalistic commodity to make money for a lot of male driven industries. I often ponder at the thought of if men served as sexual objects to sell food…

At the end of the day, regardless of religious beliefs, common human morality tells us to love our fellow brothers and sisters, and we cannot possibly do that if we treat them as objects for our own amusement, sexual gratification and what we turn to in boredom. We have to remember that a good chunk of these people have taken bad turns in life and are being exploited.

Introduction

This is my first blog post, and I am posting about some topics that are very passionate to me: sex positivity and the anti-pornography movement. I got inspired to post my own blog based on other feminists blogs I’ve read by men and women that speak words of wisdom on this topic. I’ve also used my own experiences with pornography and objectification to shape my views on this topic.

As an almost twenty-two year old woman in a serious relationship, I understand sex positivity very well. When shared with someone you love, sex is a beautiful thing that brings two people together. As a religious person, and I can respect people who aren’t, I also believe that love and sexuality are important parts of a Christian relationship.

I feel pornography is not part of being a sex positive. If you and your partner are okay with using pornography people likely won’t change your views on it. But in the case of many people, pornography is used not only behind the backs of one partner but done so knowing it hurts one’s partner. I believe as a culture we have to take a stand against this.