Sex Positvity

How can one be sex positive and hate pornography?

I’ve seen this all over lots of blogs. People say that if you hate porn you hate sex in it’s entirety. Not true. Being a sex positive person means that you love sex, know your own sexuality and have no problems expressing yourself through sex. Pornography is artificial sex, with digital prostitutes. I read Cosmopolitan to learn new sex positions and learn different ways to please my partner, I do not require or want pornography in my own relationship. In this British sexology/sex education class, the sexologist studied the attitudes teenagers had about sex. The results are quite alarming:

Boys think it’s wrong for girls to have pubic hair, and would dump a girl for having it.

Boys think if they are having sex with a girl they can automatically orgasm on her face without asking her.

Part of sex positivity is appreciating the differences we have from one another, and it’s also about respect. With my own partner and I, we never pressure one another to shave, and always ask prior to sex what we want to do and always communicate if there’s something special we want to do. The effects of pornography are very harmful to today’s youth. Oral and anal sex are stuff that is assumed to be okay without discussing it with one’s partner. Rough sex, spitting, calling names are also assumed to just be okay. It’s hard enough that lots of commercials today are basically soft core porn. Modern day music and television are conceited. Many young adults today are now conceited.

I’ve seen men before just grope a woman’s bum or breasts, and call women they barely/don’t know bitches. I believe that the media today is trying so hard to sell sex that they just force it upon everyone in a very rough way. I disagree with this method in it’s entirety.

I will say it right here: I love sex. I love having sex with my partner. Does that mean that every time I turn on the television I want to hear about the latest celebrity sex tape or nude pictures? Or that 4/5 commercials I see are soft core porn? Not at all. Many men and women already struggle enough with sex/porn habits and addictions. It’s hard enough not to be browsing online and there’s ads of random foreign women wanting to meet you and show you their goodies. Sexual ads are everywhere, even on billboards driving by!

Many people claim there’s no such thing as a sex/porn addiction. But why would people come forward, like Russell Brand? It all stems from the previous generation, the “Love Generation”. Many of our parents/grandparents were part of this generation. Free Love was a common slogan in this time, because the previous generation was very uptight and strict. And this Free Love generation is running our government now! Why would they want to open that can of worms and admit that there’s porn and sex addictions? More men in their late teens, early twenties are struggling to have sex because of porn induced ED. People try to say that men love sex and always want it, and to just let your man consume pornography and masturbate to other people. Society tries to convince people that sex is normal, get used to seeing it everywhere, etc.

Like Russell says in the video above, our views on sex have become warped and perverted. We turn people into things for our own sexual and personal gratification. That translates into our music, television and movies of today. A common male attitude I’ve heard from men close to me is that “Women shouldn’t dress a certain way if they don’t want things to happen to them.” I’ve seen that from my own experiences. I like to dress up to feel good about myself. I’ve had men stare at me in public and even admit that they’ve masturbated to my pictures. Why is it normal for people to turn women into objects? When you tell a woman for so long that she’s an object, eventually she’ll stop caring and become an object. 

This issue plagues men as well. Men are being paraded for having large penises in porn, and the view is mostly on the women. That is showing viewers that the male is not as important visually as the female. The poses of women in porn movies and pictures are all male centered. Even in regular movies in sex scenes they can show the female fully nude, and can’t show the male genitalia. Why not? It shames men. It makes men feel the only beautiful sight is a nude woman. Not true at all. Men and women are both beautiful creatures sculpted from God.

Sex positivity is a good thing. It’s amazing to truly love your partner, their body, and the intimacy attached to sex. But porn is a bad thing. It is not something that most people can view once and forget about. As a Psychology student, we learn that with drugs like Cocaine, that Dopamine is released by the brain. It is what we learned is called an “agonist”. Things like porn and cocaine mimic our brain’s neurotransmitters, and cause inhibitory effects on the brain. Long term, this is known as addiction. You don’t have to do cocaine or watch porn every day to be an addict. Much like a smoker who hasn’t smoked cigarettes gets that nagging feeling in their head. C’mon it’s just porn. You haven’t looked at it in a few weeks. C’mon, the new pictures of Kim Kardashian came out. It’s just looking at sex it’s not hurting anyone. But in reality, it is hurting someone. It’s hurting you and your partner. 

Ask any porn/sex addict, and they will tell you the harmful affects to themselves and their partner. As previously stated in other posts, if your partner is okay with porn and you are, great. But it’s wrong if you/your partner feels it’s wrong. Porn changes attitudes towards our fellow brothers and sisters, it warps our minds on what sex is about, and it tells us that it’s okay to call women bitches, to dump them for having pubic hair (when many men refuse to shave their own pubic hair!), and that sex is about one’s own gratification and nobody else’s.

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