Yesterday marked two weeks of my partner not having watched porn, but also two weeks of me not looking through his phone. It hasn’t been an easy two weeks at all. It’s been tense, stressful, painful and amazingly brutal all in one. But it’s also been gracious, a learning experience and loving, as well.
I got my partner a book “Reigning Champions: How to Overcome Lust Addiction,” and I’ll say that anyone who struggles/knows someone who struggles with this addiction to read this book. 59 pages of material but full of knowledge.
Even though this has strained my relationship, the aftermath and knowledge gained from this experience has been incredible and has actually made me closer to my partner. Some experiences we learned I will pass onto you.
- First, don’t lie to your partner. Ever. Even if you think you’re doing it to just spare their feelings, don’t. The pain of knowing in a moment you weren’t worth the truth is painful.
- Second, this isn’t an issue you can overcome yourself. Without being accountable to someone, you’ll fail. While it is highly recommended you find a man in your life who has overcome this problem, for a lot of men this is hard so a partner can be helpful. When you feel you’ll slip up having someone to talk to can prevent that. And just telling someone if you do slip up can minimize that relapse from worsening and repeating.
- Third, find ways to direct your boredom/stress. Porn is something that many fall back on when times are hard, they’re bored, or just their curiosity takes over. But at the end of the day there’s many healthier things you can do with your time.
- Lastly, respect your partner. They love you for who you are, warts and all, and you should do the same. They love you despite the hold lust has over you, so you should love them and work with them to conquer this. When you think of porn and want to watch it, or just want to skim through some pictures, your partner should pop in your head. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want them to see or hear, even if they wouldn’t find out.
I’m proud of my partner and I’s progress, but it takes time. There’s ten more weeks until the real battle begins (three months has been the max he’s gone without porn of any kind), but it takes prayer, Jesus Christ’s love and the love between two people to overcome any issues that come up. Take everyday at a time, and understand that it takes a lot of work on both partners’ parts to deal with an habit or addiction. The addict partner has to admit they have a problem and be willing to accept help, and the support partner has to support, love and accept their addicted partner through the reboot stage.
Everyday is a battle. Lust is everywhere. We all get tempted everyday when the news mentions the latest celebrity sex tapes and nude pictures, or when movies come out with explicit sexual material in them. But it’s all about stepping back and saying, “I’m going to read a nice book today.” Finding a healthy hobby and overcoming internal issues is key to beating lust. A lot of people with lust issues are insecure and try to compensate for something they’re lacking/have too much of.
Love ❤️ makes the world go ’round. Love is when two people come together to make their worlds better. With love we can conquer everything. But some people try to keep things from someone to prevent themselves from hurting that person, but in the end we always find stuff out sooner or later. Guys and girls, do yourselves a favor: don’t lie. Admit your warts and admit when you need help. If someone loves you they’ll help you with everything.