Sorry everybody for not posting in a few days, but I’ve been busy with school and yesterday was my one and a half year anniversary with my boyfriend. Last week I ordered a t-shirt from Fight the New Drug (link to the shirt I ordered was given), and it came in the other day. I was very excited to wear the shirt in pride due to the support I was given from by boyfriend and his little brother, and when I wore it my parents immediately picked on me for wearing it. My mom laughed and shrugged, and my dad said “Don’t you think you’re just rubbing it in his face that you don’t like it?” I told them how I changed my boyfriend and his seventeen-year-old brother’s minds on porn, and my mom basically told me that no man would come to that conclusion on their own. I showed my boyfriend the shirt and told him what happened and he said what they said is not true at all.
My boyfriend read a copy of “Reigning Champions: Overcoming Lust Addiction”, and his brother admitted he had a problem with porn too. I felt happy with helping them but felt discouraged by my parents’ words. My mother told me not to be a “zealot” and basically said I should’ve just ignored my boyfriend’s porn use even though to me, as a Christian, it felt very close to cheating. My parents’ words reminded me how people are close minded to this issue. On an app I use, a surprising amount of women said they felt nothing was wrong with porn and that if you are a “sex-positive” person that you embrace porn or at least feel it’s not cheating.
As I wrote in one of my last blog posts, being sex positive does not mean you necessarily have to embrace pornography. When statistics are thrown in your face that porn is harmful in the long run, may make you feel less attracted to your partner, may make you want to cheat on your partner or even impact your ability to have sex with your partner, it is alarming that more people aren’t on board. Being sex positive means you embrace your sexuality with your physical partner (or partners if your polygamous/polyamorous). It means respecting your partner(s) and not hurting them. A common attitude I see from people my age is “If someone doesn’t like that I do something, here’s the door…” Relationships are all about coming together and loving one another. Why should someone have to keep quiet and hurt over something when they’re otherwise happy? Why should people put up with the impossible standards the porn and fashion industries are setting for people?
In a study done in the 1990s in Fiji, naturally big, beautiful women were introduced to the television series 90210 and Melrose Place. Once the Fiji women saw these stars, eating disorders became prevalent in that society. Just like photoshop and plastic surgery, porn stars set impossible body, beauty and sex standards for men and women. Men are shown that people don’t want to see them have sex, that it’s all about the women. Men are also shown that men whose penises are injected with viagra like drugs and are extended with surgery are the ideal men. Women are shown that they are toys for men to watch, and that it’s okay for men to hit them and call them sluts and whores. It sets impossible standards for everybody involved. It makes men resent women and women resent women. Porn teaches us “The only one who matters is me.” Sex isn’t like that at all. Sex is about taking care of another person and ourselves, caring about their needs and respecting them. Unless it’s a one night stand, chances are your partner isn’t going to be down with you disrespecting them without asking them.
Younger and younger girls are getting breast implants, labiaplasties, are anorexic and bulimic, and just want boys to love them like they love the girls in magazines. It’s very sad and I’m very concerned for younger generations. Porn teaches people that their sexual needs are the only important ones and that if you have to use other people to get what you want its okay.