Why “Porn is not cheating” is simply semantics.

When you look at the word “cheating”, it means to deceive or trick. With relationships that term becomes complicated because there are different boundaries and values with different relationships. In one relationship even texting someone in a sexually suggestive way (sexting) is cheating, whereas in another partners can sleep with whoever they want but if they don’t tell the other person it’s cheating. I think we can all agree though that anything done sexually in a relationship without the consent of the other person is cheating. 
Porn is a complicated thing to discuss because there are various opinions on it. According to A Battle Plan;

The man in this example knows his wife would not approve of this behavior, so he finds a window of opportunity to be alone. He will always destroy the evidence of his deed by hiding the materials and history. The part where he sexually gratifies himself while looking at another woman would not sit well with his wife either.

If pornography is something both people are fine with in your relationship, than there really isn’t much I can tell you, because as long as you’re both happy with it that is fine. But in many relationships porn is hidden from one partner because deep down the other partner knows it’s wrong. If porn was something positive, healthy and promoted family values, it wouldn’t need to be hidden. Usually when one partner doesn’t like it the other hides the evidence and denies that it happened unless it’s right in his face. 

It is all about boundaries. In my own relationship my partner and I try to eliminate all temptation and be honest. Porn has been the only barrier we’ve really had in regards to total honesty. Porn is wrong because you are putting other women before your girlfriend/wife. And yes, internet floozies are women despite any surgical or photoshopping alterations made to their bodies. 

We know we won’t ever be the most attractive person in the world, but we should be to you. When you’re bored/horny you should look at us, our pictures and talk to us rather than resort to looking online at random women who can’t ever talk to you, touch you or love you. I’ve seen so many debates on whether porn is cheating or not, and it’s unfortunate because women always get bashed no matter what reasonable excuses they have.

Cheating is whatever is defined by one/both parties in the relationship and they’re supposed to come together. Not bring other people into the relationship. For me, my man looking at naked women either in pictures or videos, masturbating explicitly to other naked women or looking at clothed women in order to get sexual gratification is cheating in my eyes. You can call me insecure, a bitch, controlling, whatever! But I have the right to my standards. Just like all the women and men out there do who don’t like porn. It’s wrong to say that we’re controlling or insecure just because we want true monogamy.

True monogamy doesn’t include lusting after other people. If you want to do that, stay single. I’ve dealt with pain in regards to porn from a few people in my life, and don’t want it in my relationship. Porn is wrong in my relationship if I say that it is. 

When you deceive someone by hiding something because you know it’ll hurt their feelings that indicates some sort of guilt on your part. Whether or not porn is seen as universally seen as cheating is purely semantics. People decide what is cheating in their relationships, and if you cross boundaries it feels the same as cheating even if you disagree on if it’s cheating or not.

Most of the people who don’t like porn don’t want other naked strangers in their relationship, or it is affecting their relationship in some way. My sex life is affected when my partner looks at porn (whether it’s pictures or videos) and that is not fair to me. I don’t look at porn of any kind because I want to contribute the most I can to my relationship; physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. I can’t do that if I’m directing any of those things in a way that jeopardizes my relationship.

So next time someone tells you porn isn’t cheating or that it’s better than cheating, you don’t have to accept that. Have your own standards and stand up for yourself. Believe in yourself and don’t let someone make you feel you have to accept something that goes against your morals and beliefs.

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