Happy New Year everyone! 🥂 I wanted to share more of my story with you guys and express my newfound happiness. It’s been a little over a month since I started my medication, Paxil. About a week ago I upped my dosage to 20 mg a day. I can honestly say after about a month I feel happier and more comfortable around people. One day I forgot my medication and I had a meltdown, but other than that it’s been great.
I’m feeling more comfortable in my own skin. I love how I feel lately. I feel incredibly loved by my family and my boyfriend. Wednesday will be 2 months for G since he last looked at pornography. I can only give my testimony but everything is better. Sex feels so much more personal and special, his testosterone is going up, he’s more in the mood and he has no problems. Since I talked more to G I’ve felt more confident in his progress. I would like to thank Mike (Soulja4Christ) for being G‘s accountability partner. Having an older Christian male to talk to definitely helps G.
Through my own healing, G and I are rebuilding our relationship. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that he is doing his best to avoid triggers, that he is only looking at me naked/in a sexual way, and that he feels he can now tell me if he slips up. When you love someone you realize they aren’t going to be perfect but it’s all about what they do to back up what they are saying. You want to find someone that will love you through good times and bad, and that will do their best for you. I don’t care that G has slipped up anymore because I know it’s part of his healing, but the lying was what hurt me and I feel he understands that now.
Healing is so important. So many people experience traumas and don’t get help for them. G and I both dealt with upsetting things throughout our lives, and he is better at dealing with stuff than I am. But it’s all about talking to someone. Over the almost 2 years we’ve been together I’ve learned to express my innermost thoughts and feelings I used to be scared to show people. I’m an introvert and usually like being alone but I don’t get tired of G. I’ve expressed all the pain I held inside to him, including the pain he’s inflicted on me, and it’s allowed me to heal. I don’t cry anymore alone, I want to work with him so he can help me.
But something I’ve learned is that even with G avoiding porn, he isn’t responsible for my self esteem. Since I’ve been showing him his behavior is making a difference and I’ve been praising him, he’s been doing well. He has games on his phone that he plays and he goes to credible websites for information without bad ads. But my self esteem is my own. I am responsible for my perception of myself. And I can finally say that I feel beautiful, gorgeous and stunning. I love my boyfriend because he puts in effort.
I hope that every one can find someone like G. Everyone deserves someone who wants to put so much effort into getting to know them, and someone who will do anything to make you happy. Soul mates come around once in a life time and I hope everyone can meet someone who shows them they’re special. Porn isn’t necessary in a relationship and you can be innovative without it. Find someone you can be yourself with and who wants to be your lover and best friend. ❤