By Sarah and G
Sorry this took so long, we just got around to posting this interview today. First I will post the interview, and then I will post my response to the interview below that.
How long have you used porn in your life? On and off since I was about twelve years old. Maybe a little younger.
How long has it been since you last used porn? It has been three months on Saturday February 3.
What are the pros to using porn? The cons? The pros to using porn is the instant self gratification. Also to relieve yourself if you don’t have a girlfriend. The cons are it ruins relationships with your significant other. It raises tolerances too high during sex. It makes you appreciate your partner less. It’s demeaning to women.
How did you know it was time for you to stop using? When I knew it makes my significant other feel they are not enough. When I used to have to do it during the day to feel like a normal day.
Why do you think people lie/hide their porn use? Possibly because they don’t want to hurt their partner. Maybe because they are embarrassed. Maybe they feel like it’s not a problem and don’t want to talk about it.
What advice do you have for people who are partners to a porn user? Be patient, for many it’s not as easy as they think. Don’t automatically assume it is something you did, maybe they are just so used to it or whatever reason they have.
Has anything gotten better since you stopped? Gotten worse? The sex with my significant other is amazing. I feel better and more confident everyday. Nothing has gotten worse.
What do you do when you feel triggered to use? I know it’s easier said than done but to think about something else. To find ways around going to websites or watching things that could possibly trigger.
What do you replace porn with? Phone app games. The news app. Sports articles. Other random interests.
Is there anything a partner can do to help their partner stop using porn? Have sex with them a lot. Be supporters. If that doesn’t work, give an ultimam.
Why do you think most men have a hard time understanding women’s perspectives on porn? Because they don’t see why it upsets them or makes them feel insecure. Maybe they think men do it too so it is demeaning to men and women.
Do you think porn is a problem in society? Yes definitely. Teenage boys in specific don’t go out looking because they can pleasure themselves. It just distances people sexually in a relationship. Illegal porn is a problem too.
Is it hard to stay away now that you’ve been clean for 3 months? No, it actually gets easier with time. I feel so much better as months go by. I’ve gone a few months here and there before but never more than three months.
What do you think is the best way to eradicate the porn problem in society? There’s no way to do that. It starts when children are young, they need to know why it’s wrong. Just try to help people one by one who need it first. After that try to blog and write articles about why it’s harmful.
Why do you think some women can cry, threaten to hurt themselves, etc., and their partner still uses porn? Some men are insensitive and are not good lovers. They cannot justify to themselves why their partner feels how they do.
Are there ways to improve your sex life without porn? Absolutely, try new things in bed. Feel your partner out and see what they like. Go on intimate vacations and just fall in love with a person, love their body and make true love.
Are there ways to learn about sex/learn new moves without porn? Yeah there are plenty of books out there. Kama sutra magazines, diagrams etc.
Do you think it’s easier to appreciate your partner without porn? Yeah absolutely, you appreciate their naked body and only theirs. You grow a deeper connection and the love making is off the charts.
So there you have it. 😊 I learned a lot from G’s answers. What mostly stood out for me personally was seeing that porn users aren’t seeking to be insensitive, but they simply cannot put themselves in the place of their partner. They don’t understand their partner’s insecurities. With G I mentioned the example of how would he feel if I was using a sex toy/masturbaring to other men and he said he’d feel hurt.
Something else that I liked was how he mentioned that you develop a deeper connection with your partner and learn to appreciate them/their body more. It is true, nothing feels better than being totally in love with someone and their body. ❤
There are ways to revitalize your sex life and grow closer together without involving other people. Reading Kama Sutra together or looking at diagrams with drawings is helpful.
Solving this type of issue in a relationship involves a lot of prayer, understanding, and tears. You have to find a way to show your partner why it is hurtful and even if they don’t fully understand they can better relate to your feelings. You want your partner to feel that you’re being rational. As G mentioned sometimes it takes an ultimatum to get them to change.