Tips to have a healthy sex life without Porn

Hello everyone! I’m sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve last posted, I just came back from my vacation, I’ve been job hunting, and I’ve been busy with work and school. I wanted to share some articles with you from a wonderful website called Mind, Body, Green. It shares exercise tips, dieting tips, meditating tips, relationship tips, etc. I read a few articles from their Sex and Relationships section: porn is mentioned a lot as something that is detrimental to a sexual and romantic relationship.

Daniel Dowling’s article is called “Is Your Dream Guy Missing This Key Trait?” It is written by a man who is a born again Christian and he gives women dating advice. I will list some quotes below that I liked from the article.

“A woman deserves her partner’s thoughts to be pure enough that she can trust him with all of her love for all of her life; that together, you can be an example for your kids and community; that you can trust him to look at other women with the dignity that they and their future partners deserve.”

“I pride myself on being a man whose thoughts would give you hope for finding a man. If I’m moved by your beauty, I thank God for you; I rejoice over the beautiful creation before me. Then, instead of imagining all the ways I’d jump your bones, I channel my desire upward—I pray for you.”

“I’m not a saint. In fact, five years ago I was the most depressingly average male in all of existence. I watched porn almost daily, masturbated just as much, and lived on my mom’s couch. If I were struck by your beauty, I’d save your image in my “spank bank.” Then I’d do everything in my power to charm away your resistance. With no job and no prospects, charm was all I had.”

“I gave up all the activities that had trained me to have selfish sexual thoughts—porn, masturbation, etc. That was over half of the battle. But the other half was how I responded to women in everyday life. And that was the hardest part.”

Daniel reminds us that porn and masturbation are selfish because it gives other people space in our minds for sexual thoughts that should be reserved for our significant other. It is one thing to appreciate beauty and another to lust over another woman.

The second article I chose was called “How Porn Actually Affects Your Relationship (According to Science)” by Rob Weiss. Notice that both articles are written by men, so far. Weiss says “Continued porn use over time almost doubles the likelihood of a couple getting divorced within the next four years,” and defines infidelity as “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.”

An overall decrease in relationship happiness and satisfaction, decreased sexual gratification within the relationship, and lack of contentment with the couple’s decision-making process

The more porn one person looks at, the less satisfying the relationship will be over time. Weiss says that when women use porn it can lead to higher sexual satisfaction because men usually consider women looking at porn to be “hot” and because men and women have different definitions of infidelity.

The final article is called “Why Being Sexually Free Means I Won’t Sleep With People On The First Date,” and is by Rishma Petraglia. She teaches us some business terms: value and investment.

Value is defined as the regard that something is held to deserve the importance, worth, or usefulness of a person, place, or thing.

Investment is defined as devoting one’s time, effort, or energy to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result.

Petraglia compares sleeping with someone on the first date versus after some time to giving a 7-year-old boy a bike right away versus making him wait for it. When he waited for it he took care of it, inflated the tires, kept it cleaned, etc. But when he was just given it, he wanted something else a few months later. He wasn’t invested in the bike and didn’t value it because he was just given it.

We have to love and respect ourselves, as well as our partners. G and I just celebrated two years together, and we value each other because we went slow. We have a lot invested in one another because we’ve been together so long. ❤️

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